Relationships For Personal Growth
I have learned through the years the value of relationships with others. These relationships vary wildly in form and function and have push me forward in my pursuit of personal growth, character development, and spiritual maturity. From my experience there are 4 types of relationships that have pushed, pulled, encouraged, and kicked me down the path of growth.
Cheerleaders
Whenever I set a goal in life or go through something difficult, I find it extremely important to have relationships with people willing to encourage and cheer me on. These people are a great support base to call when you need to vent, cry, process, or celebrate with. In my life, these are my friends and family. I draw strength from their encouragement and lean on their support. With their support I have the strength to continue to push through the tougher things in life, even when I don’t feel like I can.
Cheerleaders will be there for you no matter what you do. Unfortunately, they might not be much help in teaching you how to do it. This is where Veterans come in.
Veterans
Veterans have been at the game for a while. They have accomplished the goals you’ve set for yourself, or at the very least, have years more experience than you. Veterans are great to talk with to learn from the things they’ve tried. If I’m working on my marriage, I want to see how someone who has been married for 30+ years does it. If I’m looking to advance my career, I want to talk with someone in a higher position. Maybe I’m going through a divorce, I want to talk with someone who has gone through it and made it out healthy on the other side. Veterans have the experience to learn from and can show you how to avoid some of the pitfalls they may have fallen into.
Veterans can share from their experiences and you may be able to pull from this, but every person’s story is different. What worked for them might not work for you. This is where a coach can help.
Coaches
I once had a good friend say to me, “Tony, I can be your biggest cheerleader, but to get through this, you need a coach.” He was right. A coach can teach you the specific skills you will need to achieve the goals you’ve set. Typically, a coach is a professional, whether a life coach, personal trainer, or a counselor. A good coach can even help you better define the goals you are shooting for.
I’m reminded of the scene from the movie, “Miracle” about the 1980 US Men’s Hockey team. After a poor game, the coach keeps them on the ice and makes them skate line to line. He makes them do it again and again and again. They shut the lights off and they keep skating. Broken, exhausted, and weak, one of the players finally says his name and city he’s from. The coach asks, “Who do you play for?” The player responds, “I play for…..the United States of America.” With that the coach ends the practice and walks away. Watch the clip below.
The goal was to win an Olympic gold medal, coach Brooks knew that in order to achieve that goal, THIS team, THIS group of guys specifically, needed unity, because they lacked the talent of some of the other teams.
Coaches will stretch you beyond your existing capacity, because your old ways won’t get you to your new goals.
Making It Last – Disciples
There’s a phrase that says, “Every man needs a Paul, and every man needs a Timothy.” Paul was a famous missionary who wrote a lot of the letters in the New Testament. He was a leader in the early church and lots of people looked up to him. Timothy looked to Paul as a both a Veteran and a Coach. Timothy needed Paul in order to grow to be the leader he needed to be for the early church. In order for this new movement of Christ to last beyond just first generation, Paul needed Timothy.
To make any good and positive change last in our own lives, we need a disciple. A disciple keeps us sharp and refines our growth so that only best of our growth and character remains.
But even beyond ourselves, for any good and positive change to last beyond Paul, to last beyond ourselves, he needed and we need a Timothy. This is why I teach my son generosity; why I lead high school students to a life of faith and purity; why I share the character trait of gumption with coworkers.
Conclusion
- Find a cheerleader who will encourage you and cheer you on.
- Find a veteran who has been there before and sit under his/her wisdom
- Find a coach who will develop your skills and stretch your capacity
- Find a disciple to pass it on to so that your growth will last through the end of your days and beyond.