Crazy is a Beast.

Crazy is this beast that lives inside each and every one of us.  Sometimes it’s love that makes us crazy.  Sometimes it’s hate that drives us to madness.  Confusion, sorrow, illness, injury, desperation, or hope.  They can all feed this multi-headed monster.  At times it can be tamed, but every once in a while, one of those heads will come roaring to life and escape and break through our normal persona.

We don’t live life in a solitary bubble.  If we did, then Crazy might not have much effect.  We live in an incredibly interconnected world, so when the beast comes alive and strikes, not only do we have to deal with it, but others do as well.  We, being on the outside, most of the time, are surprised to have been ambushed so suddenly, so out of the blue.  We MUST strike back, we MUST defend ourselves from this sneaky animal, lest it’s attacks affect our well being.

I’ve Got To Respond!

Or do we?  Do we really need to respond?  I almost didn’t write this blog until I was reminded, so suddenly, that crazy is still out there.  This incident is too fresh, so I won’t give it life by writing out an emotional response.  I also want to honor this person, and kill the Crazy (I’ll explain more in a bit).  I will however take you back several years to when I was given this piece of advice.

I was in the middle of my divorce and as you can imagine, it was a lot of He Said, She Said.  The emails were RELENTLESS, and I was part of the problem.  Like I had said, I MUST defend myself, and respond in kind.  My story has to be told and shared, or so I thought.

“Don’t Respond To Crazy”

Robert was a former coworker, now a friend, that I talked with quite a bit during my divorce.  Actually, he was more than a friend.  He was a brother, who walked side by side with me every step of the way through it all.  From beginning to end, he was my trusted guide who gave constant encouragement, and gave me some hard truths.

One day after letting me pour my heart out and vent about an email I had received, he sat patiently, and listened to the entire thing and then spoke these words.  He said, “Tony, you don’t respond to Crazy.”  “But I have to respond, I can’t just let this go!” I responded.  Again, with more patience and more time given to me than I deserved, we worked through what that meant.

Crazy Is Not A Person

Crazy is not a person, it is a beast.  Crazy DEMANDS our attention, but I learned that I am not controlled by Crazy, not my Crazy, and not your Crazy, and so I don’t have to give it my attention.  When you can separate this wretched thing from the person that it haunts, you can move beyond defense to empathy.  You can simply leave a Crazy comment on the table by itself, and you can walk away.  When it is left to itself, Crazy has nothing to feed from, and it dies alone.

Proverbs 15:1.  “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

The very first bible verse I memorized when i first became a Christian, in college, was Proverbs 15:1.  “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  You see, Crazy seeks to devour and destroy the both of you, and it just goads you into speaking a harsh word, then turns around and taunts the other person with your words, and eggs them on to throw another punch.  Remember, it’s not the other person talking, it’s the Crazy, and you must keep them separate.  It’s what allows us to respond with a gentle answer.

OK

And so I’ve learned, maybe because I’m still practicing how to give the gentlest of answers, that my best answer is “OK.”  Crazy accusation?  “OK.”  Crazy threat?  “OK.”  Crazy belittlement?  “OK.”  “OK” is just a recognition that something was said or done, and that you’ve received it.  In nerdy computer terms, you treat Crazy as simply a ping.

A ping is when one system send a message to another system and it’s only ask is that it respond that it got your ping request.  Crazy wants the two of you to keep transferring viruses to one another.  “OK” is just a ping.  There’s nothing Crazy can do with a ping.  Sure, my address is still there, and I’m still listening, but if you keep trying to send me viruses, you are only going to get a ping back.

When Crazy Dies

With time, Crazy will give up and die.  Sure, it may come back to life again if it is fed, and we can return to “OK” if we need to.  But when the message is not Crazy, continue to respond in gentleness.  You may find that you both have a lot of great and helpful information to exchange.  Relationships can be built around gentleness, but beware feeding the Crazy, that despicable miserable fiend.