This is Part 2 in a series leading up to Easter.  It is my story of rejecting God, finding salvation, falling from grace, and then being redeemed.  If you find this blog but haven’t yet read part 1, you can find it here, REJECTION OF GOD, SALVATION, FALL, AND REDEMPTION – PART 1.  Let’s dive in to Part 2, Salvation.

Salvation.

Going Home

I had just finished talking with Wes and Tommy.  All my questions had been answered, but I couldn’t put all of the pieces together in my head.  The gospel made so much sense, and it felt so real, and I had this new intimate love experience, but my heart wouldn’t budge.

I got home, and most likely played some video games.  When your mind is so engaged in deep stuff, it’s nice to come up for air and do something mindless.  I think it helped give me space to fully absorb what was said.  There wasn’t much going on in my world at home this night and it was starting to get late, so I sent myself to bed.

That Night

OK, so now I’m alone with my thoughts.  I thought to myself, “This was a terrible idea!”  Now all I’m doing is thinking.  Thinking, thinking, and thinking.  I had talked to a tree before, which at the time seemed crazy, but now I started wondering if I hadn’t in fact been talking to someone else, because here I was whispering to the air, trying to have a conversation.  But this conversation was again, one sided.

I was desperate for intimacy, and here was this God, this intimate God, offering everything I had always wanted.  Laying in bed a new round of questions flooded my head.  These weren’t the questions I asked Tommy or Wes.  These weren’t questions about “what if” scenarios or on the mechanics of the gospel.  These were personal questions, and now I was beginning to see what was in my heart.  I could see the “No” and it looked like this.

Maybe I need to work on cleaning myself up first before I go to God?

How could God love me when I’ve done so much wrong?

How do you jump into a deep relationship with someone you don’t know?  

These questions bounced through my head and I pondered out loud, or maybe I was praying (spoiler alert: I was, but I didn’t know what prayer was at the time),  The bed’s softness started to envelope me, the flicker of the street lamp outside my window began to hypnotize me, and the buzz of the cicadas initiated my drift into the stillness of the night.

Answers

How do you jump into a deep relationship with someone you don’t know?  This is a great question, but it’s asked from only one perspective.  God isn’t uneasy with this question at all.  Psalm 139 says,

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,  I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

God isn’t uneasy, because he already knew me fully, so he was already ready to jump into relationship!  He was also ready, even though I was a “sinner”.  I didn’t have to clean myself up and I was not too far gone.

Romans 5:8 says,

God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

He wasn’t waiting for me to get clean before offering a relationship, he had already jumped in, if I would only say “Yes”.

Reckless Love

I woke up the next morning and something was immediately different.  I know what I felt and I will try to put it into words.  I felt like there was a release on my heart and my soul had been freed.  It was like a movie when all hope is lost and the hero reaches out his hand and pulls you from danger at the very last moment.  That’s what I felt.

My answer was “No”, but God was not satisfied with my answer, and so he left the ninety-nine and ran after the one.  He chased me, pursued me, kicked down every wall, fought every enemy of my soul, overcame every mountain of disbelief, tore down every lie ever spoken to me.  When all hope was lost in my “No”, he reached out at the last moment, God, in my sleep, breathed faith into my heart, and gave me a “Yes.”

And so, sitting up in bed, I prayed, my first prayer with the knowledge of who I was talking to, and said what was in my heart, “God, Yes”

God’s love is universal and everywhere, but it’s not JUST that.  God’s love isn’t generic and average, his love is highly specific and individual and intimate.  It is given to the many, but also given to the one and on that night, that one was me.

If you enjoy reading this blog and know someone who might also enjoy reading it, please share!  I also love to hear your feedback and comments.

-Tony O., The All Around Life.