I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now.
Gratification. Queen is one of my favorite rock bands that I like listening to. So many times in life I have identified with Freddie Mercury in proclaiming, I Want It ALL, and I Want It NOW! I mean, if you can, then you should, right? I was gratified but ungrateful. And then there was when I couldn’t have it all, or couldn’t have it now. I was empty handed and bitter.
Most of what I want in life I can’t have, and of the things I can have, I can’t have them now. I must wait. I’ve lost many nights of sleep captured by anxiety. Sadly, I’ve acted out from this position to the detriment of those around me. Some of these things are quite small, like missing the turn light, or a restaurant running out of my favorite dish. Sometimes I just simply don’t have the money to get the car I really want. A medical bill takes away a vacation, a lawsuit delays the dream of owning a home.
Missing out would cause me to be very passive aggressive, or even depressed. Why should I have to miss out, or lose out one the things that I want, some of which can be good things. I would give up and spend recklessly. If I can’t have that, then I’m going to make sure I have “this”. “This” was not always a healthy thing. It was acquired from a position of defeat and resignation. I was defeated, and resigned to depression.
Several years ago, my friend Ryan, introduced me to a new way of thinking that has forever changed my life. He called it the Joy of Wanting. That didn’t seem to sit quite right with me. I was struggling with wanting, and maybe I should just learn to want less. As he explained it to me, he said I should absolutely want things, but be content with not having. Sometimes this is the most joyful place to be. You see, having is not the same as wanting. Wanting is really easy, but having can be difficult. Having can sometimes steal your joy.
Let’s use a supercar as an example, the Acura NSX. I’ve always loved this car, and I WANT ONE! This is one sexy beast! But it carries a price tag of $156,000, but that’s just the base. If I’m going to have one, I want it ALL! Give me the upgraded leather interior, carbon fiber sports package, upgraded audio! At this point I feel I have overused the exclamation point!
I could spend all day on this site, customizing the paint color, interior color, where the carbon fiber goes, what wheels I want. And I can want it, I can learn all about it. 573hp (yes!) , 476 lb-ft torque (yes!) , 9 speed dual clutch transmission (oh yeah!), 21 mpg (….boring). I just spent the last 15 minutes going back through the site again, and joy filled my heart. I showed it to my son, Jackson, and he said “That is sick!” which he clarified to me mean “That is so cool”.
Having is a different story, car payments, insurance payments, only two seats, depreciation, fear of it getting dinged or crashed into. At this stage in my life, I know I can’t have it now. And possibly, I might never have it, and I’m ok, because no one can stop me from wanting it. I don’t have to have it. I am gratified and grateful. Thanks to a friend, I’ve learned that I can be content with just the Joy of Wanting.